Operasi Balik Kampong

My KL trip started off very normally and innocently. It was a fine sunny day and we breezed through the customs. (both sides somemore)

Well... ... until my madcap aunts (plus mother) happily decided to pay a visit to Teluk Intan, their kampong town.

Let me backtrack here abit.... Last month, I went to KL with Steven and my aunt's car's radiator was leaking. I told her to get it repaired but she said, "No need lah! When there's no water just filled it up again lor." I didn't realised the importance of insistence at that moment. Damn.

Well let's revert back to the roadtrip a.k.a "Operasi Balik Kampong".

We were well on our way to Teluk Intan... ...until the car started to cough, splatter, stall and emit steam. You have to be in the car at that time to realise how calm and cool my mum and aunts were.

Aunt A: What happened?!
Aunt B: Car stalled lor. No more water.
Me: Told you to buy a new car liao!
Mum: Orh never mind lah. Just stop by the side of the road and refill lor.
*Aunt B parks car at the side of the road, not realising that half the accidents on the N-S highway were caused by cars situated at the side of the road.*

Please forgive me while I digress abit here. The car was on the N-S highway of Malaysia where vehicles move at the abnormal speeds of between 100km/h to 150km/h, depending on the make and year of the car. When the tour buses and trucks drove past, our 1996 Honda Accord vibrated. No joke leh. Plus the bloody car chose to die at noon. The heat was searing. If you noticed my tanned skin, dun ask.

Anyway Aunt B decided to check the engine and oh! Horrors of horrors the radiator was leaking YET again. So I passed her some water to fill it up. (There were plenty of large mineral water bottles in her boot for some reason) Guess what! We made a mini swimming pool underneath the car. Siao liao. It was an unforgetable experience, walking along the N-S highway of Malaysia under the noon sun. My aunts' (plus mum's) plan was to seek shelter under some miserable trees for shade about 700m away.

Anyway to cut the story short, the PLUS tow truck came to our resue by towing the bloody car to an ulu place called Slim River (Dun ask). A piece of information for people who drive to Malaysia: there is no need to to pay the PLUS tow truck people if you ever suai suai kenna what I kennaed. Well maybe Singapore cars have to pay lah *wink wink*.

After much cursing a railing into the mobile phone, Aunt B's car mechanic drove a good 1 1/2 hours from KL to where we were to repair the car. So while waiting, we explored the exciting place called Slim River plaza tol which consisted of a vending machine, toilets and an empty police post/toll office. A vending machine is a godsend when you are stranded with thristy middle-aged people under the hot sun. I could almost feel the coldness of the Coke just by standing near the machine. Then tragedy befell upon us again. Between 4 of us, we managed to muster up enough coins to buy only ONE can of Coke. Best darn tasting Coke ever lor. Somemore the Coke can was collector's item leh. Olympics. Go figure.

While waiting I decided to take some memorable pictures of our (mis)adventure.

Then a flasher decided to appear before us. Masturbating somemore. Felt like vomitting. Sicko nut. Then for some weird genetic reason, my aunts (plus mum and me) laughed and cursed at the same time.The flasher got confused. Then Mother dunnoe from where picked up a brick and threw it at him. *thumbs up* Didn't manage to shave his disgusting dick off but did enough *ahem* damage to scare him away. Miraculously, a policeman emerged from the empty police post/ toll office and enquired about the commotion. We gave our statements and the car mechanic arrived.

More (hokkien and cantonese) curses rained from my aunts' (plus mum's) eloquent lips. Poor mechanic. Finally the car was up and running and we resumed our journey.

The rest of the Operasi Balik Kampong was bland compared to what happened within that few hours at Slim River. (Heard there's a hot spring spa somewhere there. Who the hell goes for a hot spring in tropical Malaysia? Siao.)

After checking into the motel my aunts (plus mum) cheong off to find food, leaving me and my brother in the room. Am glad to see how happy my mum was back in her hometown. She hasn't been back for eons. Teluk Intan did not change much..time seems to lose its prowess when it comes to such places. There were still the mandatory farm animals, bicycles from the fifties (no kidding!), weather beaten lorries, kooky kampong folks (which incidentally includes my relatives) and the iconic leaning tower of Teluk Intan (I kid you not).

My favourite place was the biscuit shop. Lovely smells that evoked memories of my childhood spent catching dragonflies (due to the evolution caused by living in a city I now fear insects of all kinds.) and playing with fireworks. The next 2 days were spent conducting a foodie trip worthy of any Jacky Wu's variety show. It was eat eat eat non-stop. Singapore food taste disgusting now. My mum had this weird theory why Malaysia's food is WAY much better than Singapore's.

1. Malaysia's food is dirtier. (hahahah) There is no grading system here except by how near the stall is situated by the long kang.
2. Singapore hawkers use the same sauces produced by factories so everything tastes the same. For good measure, she added that NTUC is the supplier. Hah!
3. Malaysian hawkers produce their food from scratch... fishballs, chee cheong fun, sauces, hor fun, guo tiao, sweat, saliva etc so the taste differs from stall to stall.
4. Malaysian hawkers don't franchise anything. The stall and food remains unchanged from generation to generation. Look at Ya Kun and Fei Shiong. Nice meh???
5. She's biased cos' she's a true blue Malaysian at heart. (My theory)

I really enjoyed myself during this trip. Really know from which side I got my madcap cursing genes liao. :)